Chicken Knit

News and Annoyances

2009-11-28T07:51:00.004-05:00

My mother has lung cancer that has spread to her brain. It was just discovered a week ago. She was put in the hospital immediately. Im freakin out! Its almost impossible for me to think about. Im pissed that her lame dr didnt check her out AGES ago. Shes had a horrible cough for a couple years! Shes been smoking since she was like 14. Seems to me that an xray or something should have been done. The only reason it was found was because the tumors in her head are so big they are pressing on things and hurting her. WTF?! She is getting radiation on her head now. Which I am terrified about. Shes only had 2 'treatments' and shes already sick and she has 8 more to go. How much of her healthy brain will be corrupted from that poison they are shooting at her? After that they will begin 'treating' her lung cancer. She has alot of hell ahead of her.

So im my attempt at self preservation, Ive been spending time looking at, playing and reading about things I like. And getting annoyed there too! See I LOVE everquest2. It is the best mmorpg game there is. By far, it IS. But the masses are in love with a dumb game called World of Warcraft. Ive played it. Its a completely dumbed down EQ2 that looks like it was made for gradeschoolers. Soooo many people talk about it and play it and say how wonderful it is. Its amazing to me! And that so many people have never played or sometimes never even heard of EQ2 confounds me. I admit, Sony has dropped the ball in the advertising department. I see adverts on tv, in mags, all over for world of warcrap. But nothing...NOTHING for EQ2. Why this is, I cannot fathom.

I have been playing EQ2 since right after it began. I tried a few races and classes before settling on an Iksar Necromancer as my main. She is awesomeness and if I could become her, bring my family in to Norrath with me, I would do it in a heartbeat. I am not obsessed with this place, I just enjoy it mightily.

There are very few things I complain about in EQ2. One of my biggest, tho, is that they made some things extremely easy to try to lure in the dumbos from wow. Crafting used to require paper and pens and math and lots of note keeping. All of which I adored. But now you just sit there and click a button or two and youre crafting. BOOOORING! I fall asleep half the time. And they changed the horses. The old models looked terrible. I was overjoyed to see the new ones when they announced them. They look great! But then I saw them move and it made me miss the old ones. The oldies were very unrealistic looking (to my horsey loving eye) but the movements, especially the running, was PERFECTION. Now, they barely move when they run. Their heads are frozen like a carousel mount! And we sit on them like a statue. BUT...they have a great flank jiggle that is pretty realistic. So, yea, thats like the only thing I have to complain about.

Im going to post some screen shots of some favorite places. I would rant some more, but we are going to see the inlaws today and i need a spot more sleep before we begin the big stresser of the day. I want to stay home and hang with me mums! Stupid family visiting at the worst time ever :[

Plus the babe is calling me :}

Birthday Bummer

2009-03-02T00:10:00.000-05:00

Life is depressing. I try very hard to keep happy but its extremely difficult....

Mad turned one a month ago. I attempted to decorate and have a little party but it was a total dud. Nabs was pissy all day, Bruce was annoying and i was so down about her being a year already i had no energy to finish decorating her cake. I made cupcakes, too, but only decorated 4 of them. I made like 30 of them but I bet I don't even have half of them left. The males here are pigs, especially Bruce. He even stole a bunch of the candies i bought to decorate the cupcakes with, didn't ask or anything! asshole. and our kitchen outlets and lights don't work anymore so theres just one crappy lamp in there on an extension cord so its SUPER dark. and its a wicked small room. especially with 5 adults and a dog in there! not an environment that inspires creativity and happiness, thats for sure! and all day my mother 'advised' me on how to do everything, shes trying to help, but it makes her a bummer to be around.

And how can a whole year have gone by already? FUCK! Time is getting away from me faster than i ever thought it could. I feel so old and lonely.

Anyway, I know no one really gives a crap about that so I will stop whining and put up some pictures.

Trip to Maine

2008-10-03T15:26:00.007-04:00

Well! We three got back from a very short visit to Maine this week. Granny needed a ride home from her sisters place in Halfmoon. Granny said she would pay for gas and we said yahoo! We'd been up there to visit when Mad was 4 months old, shes now almost 9 months so I was dying to see everyone again.

Our ride up was gorgeous. It was a cloudy day, very cool, and the trees were out in full force on top of the mountains. I tried to get photos but its tough to get anything food while in the back of a moving van! This was the third time going over Hogback that it was so foggy we couldn't see anything. If it had been clear, the view would have been amazing.

We got to Granny's rather late and we were all tired. My Uncle Jon was there (he lives with Granny) and seemed pleased to see us. He spent the entire time before we went to bed laying on the floor talking to Mad and trying to get her to laugh. It was a little uncomfortable for me, but it was ok I guess. The next morning (Sunday) we got up and Granny told us that Jon got up early and left with a packed bag and didn't talk to her at all. Huh!

That afternoon Mra came over. Ooo! It was sooo nice to see her! Shes like a sister to me and I miss her terribly. Mad was ok with her, too. See, Mad is afraid of everyone now. But she was hardly afraid of Mra at all! She could hold her right away and Mad didn't cry one bit.

A little while later my aunt Mel, my cousin (her son), Moe, his wife, Julie and their adorable son, Max showed up. The last time I hadn't seen Max an Julie for something like 3 years. And Moe, geeze, Max was only a few months old. He snow about 5! Cripes time flies.

We all had a great visit. Max seemed to really like Mad. We call her Squishy and he thought that was super. So he called her that the whole time we were there (Julie says that he might always be Squishy yo him!). He liked saying the word so much that everything a little soft became squishy: the wet ground, our cheeks, his cheeks. It was cute!

This was the first time I got to talk to Julie. We never got much of a chance to before. hes great. I really like her. Shes funny and smart and cute and I wish she lived out this way so we could be friends. Plus it was nice to have another mommy to talk to. Mommies rule!

They left in the evening. It was hard to say goodbye to Moe, especially. When I was little I used to wih I had a big brother like him. Hes a very good person and I miss him!

Mra stayed longer. We visited late, until Jon came home, visibly, stinkingly drunk. Mra left right away and Shane and I went to our room to go to bed. Before long we heard voices, I thought they were just talking so I went out to fill up a bottle for Mad. As I walked thru the living room I realized Jon was arguing with Granny. I hurried back to our room. I told Shane and I turned off the fan so we could hear. Yea, I was eaves dropping! You should have heard the things he as saying! Well, maybe you shouldn't. They were terrible things. Mostly about me and Shane. He was basically saying he and I were shit and Granny was a bitch for bringing us there and he was throwing her out! We almost left that night, but we waited till morning because, well, he can kiss my butt! I wanted to see the beach and Mra and say goodbye to Granny.

So that's what we did. Granny made us awesome omelets and I tried to not cry when we left. We stopped over at Mras and visited in the yard with her and Mel and the dogs for a while. Gads its hard to leave them! I miss them so much :( Mad enjoyed the dogs, though. She loves animals.

We went to Wells beach. Mad looooved the sand! And the waves and all of it. She was the cutest beach bunny ever! I got lots of photos and video of her playing. She liked the feel of the sand on her fingers and between her toes. And the waves seemed to confound her.

The beach was cool, but I still put my feet in the water. We used to go ther alot in the summer when i was little. I love the beach.

The rose hip were out in full force. If wed had more time I would have collected bunches and made some jelly or something. Boy are they tasty! But no matter what I said, I couldn't get Shane to eat one. He thinks Id poison him or something. There were a few left over roses, too. Shane picked one and oh my goodness did it smell good! Even Mad seemed to like it.

The sand was her favorite part. She loved the texture and pent a lot of time feeling it with her fingers and toes.

On our way home we stopped at Shane's brothers house to visit him and his wife. They're nice people. Though their dog, Rufus, wants to eat Mad! Poor little man is afraid of her cries.

It was a looong, dark drive home. No pretty foliage or anything. We didn't get back till about 12:30 am. Yeck! Stupid Jon. I didn't even get to see my father. This is far from the first time hes been like this. And wont be the last, I'm sure. But its the last time for me! Ive had it! I wont ever see him again. But, fortunately, Granny says she is going to get her own place, so we can visit again then. But it will be winter by that time. oh well!

Anyway, its chilly in here, I need to close the window!

Mad Updates

2008-06-19T06:19:00.003-04:00

Mood: Hope
Listening to: Stupid GTA San Andreas played by Shane
Reading: Friday Night Knitting Club by Kate Jacobs
Watching: Twin Peaks
Playing: EQ2
Eating: nothing
Drinking: Coffee

Shes growing up

Mad went for her second round of shots recently and though she took the shots much better this time (last time she was inconsolable after. But this time her fever got to 102), her Dr said she was underweight. Or rather, she wasn't gaining at the same rate she had been. Mad has only gained 10 ounces in the last 2 months making her 11lbs, 5 oz (i might add here that Shane and I are short, little people. How can you expect average-above average sized babies from folks who are below average in size??) and though the Dr wasn't too alarmed by that she instructed us to supplement her breast feeding with formula. Which I'm NOT happy about! She didn't talk about ways to improve my milk supply or anything. I already know how to do that, but still. I didn't like that she went straight to formula. When we got to the car Shane wanted to go right to the store and buy formula. I wanted to get my milk up and increase feedings and skip the formula, but after some words, we went and got formula. And some solids. I'm ok with feeding her some solids, but this formula crap sucks!

It took a few days of trying to get Mad to eat formula. She was not impressed. Cant say I blame her, stuff tastes like shit! Smells even worse. Uhg. BUT...Shane has bought me a new breast pump to try (which I hope will be here very soon!) so I can get my supply up and faze out the formula. Mad is still breastfeeding regularly, but I'm producing less milk than I was as shes also eating around 8 ounces of formula and 5 ounces of food a day.

Ive taken to thinking of the formula as medicine. The first week of feeding her that crap I cried through out every day. Giving it to her feels so wrong! And makes me feel broken. The doctors are such freaks that I wasn't allowed to give birth naturally and now I cant feed her either! WTF?! Babies aren't numbers. Everyone is different. Loads of people give birth to babies bigger than Mad naturally. And loads breastfeed exclusively for months longer than I have. Its very hard for me to not be depressed about it. Very depressed...

But the solid foods are fun at least. I tried rice cereal first. She hates it. I tried mixing it with breast milk, formula AND water. Each way was quickly spat out! So I tried peas. Icky Mum!! Then sweet potatoes. Hold on folks, we found a winner! She adores them! She also likes carrots, apples, bananas, and prunes. She didn't like pears for the first two weeks, but I tried them again last night and she found them tolerable enough to eat a whole jar. She also tried instant potatoes last night. We were having them for dinner and shes a huge beggar now so I let her try them. The plain ones were kind of icky, she said, but the ones with gravy, mm mm mm!

She has definitely gained some weight. Her legs look different and her face is fatter. I'm not sure how I feel about that, but the Dr will be happy and wont call DHS on us. Why do they think every baby should be a fat little Michelin Man Clone? Doesn't seem healthy to me (and isn't from everything Ive been reading! America is so behind...).

In other news some creature has come and murdered 3 of my hens. First it came and killed Perleand Thing Two (I discovered poor Banya
in the coops yard all alone after spending the whole day witht heir bodies. He was so afraid he let me scoop him up with no fight at all), then the next night came and killed my marvelous Danger
. I was so pissed that I told Bruce to shoot what ever it was if he found it. But then I came to my senses and changed my mind. I love my birds dearly, but what ever animal came and killed them didn't know that. From my research Ive come to believe its a raccoon. It left the bodies where it killed them and only removed the heads and mangled the breasts a bit. Horrible. But I guess thats like a calling card of raccoons. So now all my poor birds (5 roos and only 4 hens left, one of which doesn't lay and the other bum eats her eggs, so we only get two eggs a day if were lucky. not that it really matters to me) are locked up in their winter coop. Miserable and confined! But safe at least. I'm going to fix up something else soon. With lots of live wire around the outside to fry anyone who tried to get in!!!! Stupid animals.

But to end on a happy note, here are some new pictures of the sweet lady, Madelyn!

mmmm Carrots!
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What? Do I have something on my face?
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More please!!
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The two Madelyns (though not the most flattering pic of either, its still cute)
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Me and my Lady (I crocheted her little hat)
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Hahaha!! Granny! You're too funny!
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Sweet Jungle Lady asleep in the grass.
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Perfect little elven lady.
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Loads more pictures here if anyone is interested!

Journaling on the Cold

2008-03-21T11:25:00.006-04:00

Gads its cold!!! Barely 65 in here right now and theres a terrible breeze coming in the windows :(

But really, I do mean to journal more. I really do. But lately Ive been rather depressed and not feeling like I can enjoy much of anything. Things here are the same, if not worse, than they ever were. Mom and Bruce are still treating us like were horrible parents. We don't hold her right, bathe her right, I don't nurse Mad correctly and her wild hair drives my mom nuts. I cant understand them. Sure, some advice is a good thing, but I'm not getting that, I'm getting criticism. Alot of it.

The other day Shane took Mad down stairs to give me a break so I could nap a little longer. She was being fussy so he was walking around with her and had her up on his shoulder, sort of hanging over it (which she likes), and her head brushed against this little wooden sled we have hanging on the wall. The sled weighs maybe a pound, its a decorative thing Shane's mom painted. I doesn't take much to move it (we bump in to it all the time because its hanging on the door jam and sticks out a little in to the doorway). But Bruce acted like Shane smashed her head against the wall or something. Mad didn't even notice anything had happened! When he came back upstairs he told me about it and warned me that my mom would be crabbing at me about it. And, sure enough, the next morning when I saw her, she did! I was telling her how Mad had a tough night and how I think shes teething already. Mom seemed to think this was stupid and told me she was probably having headaches from getting her head hit. !!!! OMG! I was incredulous! I told her this is a huuuge reason why I hate coming down stairs for visits with Mad. All we get are them moaning about how we do everything wrong. ITs not a nice time for us. I have to sit there while stinky old Bruce holds my precious baby and coos over her and says the most annoying and inane things to her. AND I have to hear them b***h about what a terrible mum I am and how Shane is abusing Mad! Yea, ok Ma, Ill be right down.

And on top of that, I have a tooth ache. Yippy. Why do teeth have nerves? Whats the point? I have two that are nerveless and they're still quite sensitive. Whats the point? The two teeth that are nerveless are root canal teeth and were done like 10 years ago. I was supposed to have them capped but for some reason my mother never took me back to get that part done. So, of course, after a few years they broke! And the teeth on either side have cavities now from there being spaces between them that shouldn't have been there. One of those *live* teeth is broken in half, though it doesn't hurt unless I bite on it, but another has a tiny cavity between the teeth and its aching me like a binch. I would soo like to go to the dentist and get them all fixed up, but its nearly impossible to find anyone who takes Medicaid. How does the government expect people to be healthy when they don't make doctors and dentists accept their programs? It should be mandatory so we can choose ones we like and trust. Not be forced to go see scary, backwoods dentists who don't know what they're doing.

But other than those things, we are good. Mad is growing much much too fast. She is giggling and cooing and squealing all the time now. Its so cute I could cry! And shes a pro at holding her head up, still a little wobbly, but she can hold it up for as long as I hold her upright. Her belly time is improving, too. Her head is up but shes still got some work to do on the push ups. She can easily support all her weight on her legs now and she loooves it! Shed stand up all day if I could hold her that way! We have nearly perfected the laying down and nursing technique. Which I find very helpful, she can nurse and I can sleep! This last night she wanted to sleep that way, too. Every time I tried to lay her in her little bed beside me she would scream. So Id pick her up again and snuggle her into my side and *bop* shed pass right out. It was adorable but I was dying to lay on my side for a bit. Oh well :) Right now I have her stuffed in my robe, sort of sling like. Its a lot easier to type with her like this than how I normally hold her at the pc. Which is why I decided to journal today.

Here are some new pics of dear sweet amazing Mad -

Little Giggling Lady -
Oh Mama, Yoo sooo funny!
Elven babe
Oooh! Im SO ANGRY!
zzzzzzzzzzzzzzz
5th bath ever!
Sleepy in her green hoodie
Heeheehee!
Pretty Lady

She's Here!

2008-02-11T03:22:00.000-05:00

Mood: Love
Listening to: A Humming Fan
Reading: nothing
Watching: The Gift
Playing: EQ2
Eating: nothing
Drinking: water

Mad arrived on the 16th of January!! She was 9 pounds 5 ounces and 21 and a half inches

Theres tons to tell, but seeing as shes in my arms and its dang hard to type with one hand....Ill just post some pics fer now
She was quite puffy on her first day.

Oh so sleepy!

Swedish Fish!

Very happy Daddy

Shes awake!!

Does she look cozy or what?

Snow, Boots, Pain and Another.

2008-01-08T09:53:00.000-05:00

One of the family cats (not mine, but sort of belongs to us all), Brady, died a couple days ago. He was very old, something like 19 and not doing well at all. It wasnt a surprise, but its still sad. He was a lovely boy. So how many is that? In the last 6 months or so 4 of my cats have died, 2 of the family cats passed away, one family cat ran away, one of my hens died, my robin was killed, my bun died and my Mike is gone. What the hell?

But Im trying very hard to not think about that too much. I will go crazy if I do. So Im doing alot of crap now to distract myself. Like well, not much really, but its enough to keep my mind from lingering on the hurt, too much.

We got a foot of snow recently. It was so beautiful when I woke up, it lured me outside. I hadnt been out in a while so it was especially nice! I got some good pictures and it was wickedly nice to see the animals. Douk enjoyed it alot, too. He loves snow :)While getting ready to go outside, I hauled out my boots and tried to put them on. My belly is huuuge now (50 inches around and, uh, I'm only 64 inches tall *weeps*) so its pretty hard to reach my feet. I struggled for a minute or two to get the boot in position so I could get my foot in it. But, alas, it was in vain! My foot was too swollen to fit! (You see, my feet, hands and face have started swelling. Its just the most beautiful stuff you ever saw.) So I thought about what I was going to wear on my big feet. The snow was deep so sneaks were out. I spotted Shane's rubber boots and thought, maybe theyll fit! I struggled with them fer a min and was able to get them on, though the calf was almost too tight. But they were ok in the foot part. Yay!

So out I went. Gads, you should have seen me! In knee high, black rubber boots, my Egyptian man dress (which goes almost to my feet) and my big orange coat. I was very stylish! But I didnt care, I was outside! And the snow was gorgeous. But very hard to walk in. Especially since my hip/belly pain make it terrifically hard to lift my feet up more than a couple inches. The sheep were calling to me and once Loki got wind of someone coming out she started to holler, too. So I pushed on thru the snow. It was fun :) Even the chickens seemed sort of happy to see me. Or at least see someone. I threw Loki and the sheep some hay, took some pics and came back inside.

I sat in a kitchen chair and looked at my feet. I wondered how in the heck I was going got get these rubber things off. There was no way I could lift my foot up and pull them off with my hands. I thought about going upstairs and waking Shane to help me, but I really didnt want to bother him. I tried using the toe of one foot on the heel of the other to try and get one off, but since they were a little small around the calf they suctioned to my leg. Ack! How the hell was I going to get them off?? The suctioning made them stick more so I would need to push harder with my toe which made my belly hurt. But I didnt see any other way but to just grit my teeth and shove. So I did that. Owowowowow! Stupid boots! I shall not be wearing them again...

I felt great despite the boot struggle. It was really nice to be outside. I havent been going out really at all, unless I have to, since it hurts so much to move. But the *felt great* didnt last long. I soon started to get sore, but not terribly so. It didnt get bad until the next day. Oh my dear, I could barely move! My hips were giant balls of pain. I could barely lift my legs to get out of bed, never mind walk. And my belly/groin muscles were screaming at me. It was like I had run in an Iron Man competition, not taken a slow mosey out to the barn and back. So I rested.

And rested and rested and its been a couple weeks and Im still really sore. Its like my muscles are giving up. Theyve stretched and stretched and now theyre throwing in the towel. My lower abdomen is a big bruise. The muscles there are soooo sore! Plus Ive got some pretty stretch marks that are sore, too. And the muscles that run from the inside of my thighs to my groin feel like, well, when I try to use them for anything, it feels like theyre tearing. Its so nice! Never in my life did I realize how much one uses ones stomach and groin muscles. You use them for everything! Sitting up, lifting a leg, rolling over in bed, moving a leg even an inch uses them, sneezing, coughing, standing, walking, the list is endless. Sometimes I cant move my legs, like when I try to sit up and get out of bed. So I have to use my arms to lift my legs over the edge of the bed. Oh the joy!

Ive also got this great pain right under my ribs, on the right side. Its been there for months but now its soo much worse. If I move the *right* way it feels like someones sticking me with a hot poker. Its a terrible burning, tearing feeling. It aches all the time, but I only get that horrible bad feeling when I move certain ways. Like turning over in bed.

Speaking of bed, Im not sleeping! Well, I am a little, but not enough. I can only get like 30 minutes at a time, sometimes less, until I get a pain somewhere and it wakes me up. And changing position to relieve the pain is near impossible. It takes me a good 5 minutes to roll over sometimes! Ive truly felt like I was trapped in bed, like there was no way I was going to be able to sit up or anything with out Shanes help. But ive gotten good at just sucking it up and moving through the searing hot pain. Im not sure if thats good or not, but being trapped in bed is so bad I dont care!

But anyway, I should go do something else. If I sit here too long my feet swell incredible amounts. Till they look just like Cabbage Patch Kid feet. And thats just wrong. Plus it feels yucky. Not painful, really, just really yucky. And no one wants feet that look like this -
Normally I have fairly thin looking feet, with little bones on the top and ankles and everything. I swear! Yeck.... some things about being pregnant truly truly SUCK....

(Ive also started having very strong Braxton Hicks contractions. They're not true labor, but they can hurt! My belly goes all rigid, like a giant bowling ball and there incredible pressure everywhere mixed in with some back pain. Oh I cant wait till its real labor! Come on Mad, I'm ready to meet you!!)

Two Non Fiber Posts

2008-01-01T13:00:00.000-05:00

I wrote these at different times and wasnt going to post them here because I try to keep this blog light and fun. But Im not feeling light and fun so what the hell. This is my life right now so Im posting them.

Its Happened.
Journal Entry: Mon Dec 3, 2007, 7:06 AM

* Mood: Agony
* Listening to: nothing
* Reading: nothing
* Watching: nothing
* Playing: nothing
* Eating: nothing
* Drinking: nothing

Its over.

My best friend, soul mate and love of my life, Mike, has died.

On November 29th at about 9:50pm he finally left me. Just a few hours earlier he was fine. I was taking a nap and heard him *whoop* (his way of yelping) and got up to see if he was stuck somewhere. He was always getting stuck in furniture and things. His hips bothered him and he couldn't always control what direction he was going in. But he wasn't stuck, he was just standing beside the bed. It looked like he might be having some belly pains, which again wasn't totally abnormal. Hes had some terrible intestinal problems in the past so I wasn't too worried.

I helped him walk around, sometimes pacing make shim feel better, so I helped and made sure he didn't fall or get stuck. I tried snuggling him on the bed, but he was very antsy and couldn't get comfortable. He started whooping more and I was getting upset.

Something was very wrong. But it was about 7 pm and the only emergency vet is over an hour away from here and I KNOW they wouldn't have done anything for him but try to kill him. He is almost 15 years old and extremely thin and has a big tumor under his eye. I brought him to a vet not too long ago because he wasn't himself and murdering him was her only solution. So Shane and I just sat with him.

The first thing that came in to my head as to what might be wrong was bloat. I had Shane look up info on it. It had been ages since I read about it and couldn't remember alot. And of course, Mike had nearly every symptom.

Over the next 3 hours it got worse and worse. His belly swelled up and he started to choke on foam and spittle. He cried and cried and all I could do was hold him up and pet him and talk to him.

It seemed like it took a long time for him to pass away, but it also seemed too quick. Just a few hours and my heart was gone.

Ive lost alot of "pets" in my life, some human family members and human friends. It hurt, but nothing like this. This is more pain than I could possibly express to anyone. Hes been my life for almost 15 years, my child, my brother, my protector, my heart and soul. Life isn't life with out him.

For years Ive been thinking about this, about him dying. It had to happen and each day that went by brought it closer. This may sound completely crazy to some of you, but I had planned to go with him. The loss, I knew, was going to be too much and everyone who was left would be fine with out me. I would not be fine staying. But now I am pregnant and feel I cant do that. It hurts so much I don't think I can do it. Maybe thats why Mad showed up. Why we got pregnant so easily. To keep me here. But I don't want to be here.

How can anyone be expected to keep living while in pain like this? What the fuck is going on. This is too much.

Today is even harder because I'm calling to arrange his cremation. I don't know how I'm going to talk to them about it. I tried talking to Shane about it last night and I couldn't speak. The words refused to come out. The thought of him on fire, of him melting, of his eyes popping from the intense heat, his ears burning... is incredibly horrible and painful for me. But the thought of him slowly rotting in the ground is no better. At least this way he can sort of stay with me. And later, when I die, we can be put together.

Maybe I sound obsessed to you all, but I don't care. I need to write and unless you've ever loved someone with every cell in your body, was in love with every cell of them, every minute part of their personality and manners, everything, you have no idea how I feel. Mike is like air to me. Like food or drink. You don't need those things because you're obsessed with them, you just need them because they are vital to life. Being with out him isn't killing my body, its killing other parts of me. This is too hard. I cant do this.

________________________________

Its Happened Again
Journal Entry: Tue Jan 1, 2008, 9:04 AM

* Mood: Sadness
* Listening to: Daler Mehndi - Tunak Tunak Tun
* Reading: nothing
* Watching: Warm Water Under a Red Bridge
* Playing: EQ2
* Eating: nothing
* Drinking: Coffee

This time my bunny is gone.

If things werent bad enough with the loss of my beloved Mike, I had to lose another love. My bunny, Burr passed away on the 19th. I woke up in the night, as is normal because if my hip pain, and as I was trying to get comfortable I heard this *EEE*! squeak sort of sound, twice. I sat up and thought 'what the heck was that'? One of my cats ran up and stared in to Burrs cage telling me it was him. Burr has only ever made noise once before so I didnt recognize his voice. I got up to see what was wrong and as I got to his cage and looked in, he stretched out, facing away from me and cried two more times and died. I didnt even get a chance to reach in to comfort him or anything. I took him out and snuggled him and wept.

My little bunny...he was the sweetest rabbit Ive ever met. Heck, he was the sweetest rabbit Ive ever even heard about. I miss him. He was a little black ball of sunshine. Loving to everyone and cuddly and cute. He even knew to come when I called him. I don't have many ideas as to what killed him. I bought him from a feed store and know nothing about his past or how old he was or anything. Over the last 10 months or so he got very thin. Still eating well and acting normal, but very very thin. In the last 2 months hed started having a hard time jumping up on the bed. Other than those things, he acted like his old normal self. So who knows what it was.

Now hes in his cage in the shed waiting for spring to thaw the ground. Winter is a bad time to lose loved ones. But is there ever a good time?

As for other news, things are pretty much the same. I am quite depressed and still in allot of pain from my hips. Only now Ive got *other* things going on that hurt even more. So I'm just doing great. Ive got just 25 days till Mad's due date, so maybe my pain will lessen soon. But if my *other* thing isn't cleared up by the time shes ready to come, I will have to have a c-section so there goes my less pain hopes for a while....

Im Full of People!

2007-11-20T03:30:00.000-05:00

Well, technically, its just one person but....Phew! I feel incredibly full. Mad is about 16 inches long now and 3 pounds, though to look at me you'd swear she was 20 pounds. I'm amazed at how nifty the body is and how it can adjust and change and morph shape. I'm amazed at how weird it is to have a thing inside me, a whole being who's moving, thinking, starting to see, has hair and fingernails and so many other things. Gads, its sooo neat!

Shes getting big now and we can see her in there, moving around. Sometimes she moves so violently, she annoys poor Fiz when hes sleeping on my belly! He gives me the dirtiest look, like *will you quit moving! Im trying to sleep here!* We can see her bump out and see her wiggle around in there. It feels just like I imagined it would feel like to have a thing in there moving around. I was playing EQ2 the other day and she was kicking and wiggling and jabbing so much that I was like *Im growing a Monk!* But thats only funny if you play that game, I guess :)

Since my boy, Mike, is getting old and not in to trying to eat my bunny anymore, we've been letting Burr out to play. He loves it sooo much! Its so nice to see him running around and having fun. He adores the cats and snuggles as much as they will let him. Here is a pic of Burr with Vivi. Arent they too cute??

Baby News-Fiber News

2007-10-16T07:00:00.000-04:00

Again, its been ages since I posted. I dont know whats up with me, but its been really hard to make myself sit and write. Once I get going, I enjoy it, but dang, its so hard to sit here and DO it!

We're having a girl!! A wee girl... and her name is Madelyn. I adore my Granny (maternal) and her name is Madelyn and Shane and I love the name and love the nickname Mad, sooo, its perfect! Little Mad is growing like mad. Shes about 1 1/2 pounds now and 14 inches long! I feel like shes twice that big. My belly is enormous. Or at least it seems like it to me! Shes squashing everything. Its hard to breathe sometimes, depending on how Im sitting/laying and I cant eat much at a time. But its nothing bad. The awful part of it all is the hip pain that Im having. I swear, its some of the worst pain Ive ever felt in my life. It makes most movements incredibly painful. Even putting socks on is an ordeal. But its all good! Makes me stronger, gives me character. I know now that when Im old (or young!), if I have bad, chronic pain, I can take it. I can still do what I need to do, even if it hurst so much I cry.

Yesterday Shane and I went out and took some pictures. We both wish we could see what our mothers looked like while they were pregnant with us so we want to make sure Mad has plenty to pictures to see later. Heres a couple of my favorites -

Ive been doing a bit of spinning and knitting/crocheting. I bought some loverly sage green roving from Copperpot Woolies, spun it in to a worsted weight ad am knitting it in to some mittens for my mother. They were supposed to be done for her bday last month, but I got sick and was only able to get one done. So Im finishing up the second now (just got a thumb to do!). She seems to like them, at least she loves the color. Ill post a pic when Im all done.

As for spinning, Ive spun alot! Heres a pic of just some of the yarn Ive made -

Theres more than just these, but I got tired of taking pics of them all. On my wheel I have some misc roving ends from The Sheep Shed. Its a beautiful mix of caramel, dark chocolate and white. I think there is some mohair in it, but Im not sure. Its very pretty!

Ive got some news!

2007-07-12T06:53:00.000-04:00

Been ages since I last posted, but I have a fairly good excuse. Im pregnant!! EEP! We found out for sure around the 7th of June but we had known for a few weeks prior. Shane was in Florida visiting his family when I had my dr appointment to get tested. Mom took me and boy she was so excited! I was nervous, but happy. I peed in a cup and sat in the little office on the table waiting to hear.

My dr (her name is Dr Quinn, how funny is that?) creeped in to the room with a scared look on her face. And she told me, in a very 'im sorry to deliver you bad news' voice"It looks like you are pregnant" WEEE!! I hollered! She looked surprised for a sec and then visibly relaxed and beamed a big smile at me. She told me that she was very, very happy to give me good news. That it wasnt very often that folks were happy to hear they were pregnant. Isnt that sad? We hugged and I was smiling so much my cheeks hurt, lol! We talked for a while and she refered me to a place in Saratoga.

When I left the office to get the addy for them, my Ma spotted me from the waiting room and she made a face at me, like 'well??' I gave her the thumbs up and she just about flew out of her chair and danced over to me. I swear, she was more excited than I was!

But then I started spotting. Not bleeding really, just spotting a little. I made a sort of emergency visit at the place in Saratoga asap. Shane and I went and I got an ultrasound and we got to see our little bean! It was the nicest thing, ever. Especially since Shane was with me. I cant even explain how good it is to know that hes there for me. For us. Anyway, the bean is ok, but part of the placenta has come away from the uterine wall and a blood clot has formed. But all looked well.

I went again for my normal visit and pap and all that. The midwife used this microphone machine thing on my belly to try and find the heart beat. She said that usually you cant hear them so early (8 weeks) but she wanted to try anyway. "Dont be alarmed if we cant hear anything!' But after some searching, there it was! Lub-a-dub-lub-a-dub!! Fast and strong as you could ever want. But she said not sex, no lifting things, nothing that will strain my pelvic muscles. Whoopie!

Then on Saturday (july 7), Shane and I got in to a huuuge fight with Bruce (my step father). Hes a jackass and I hate him. Im off my Cymbalta so Im much more outspoken these days. And Im going to be a Mom and that has changed me. Alot. So I said what I thought and gave him what for like Ive only done once before. That time he hit me and threw me out. This time he got all huffy and told Shane and I to get out. Ha!! I told him to call the cops and get them to make us leave. If you knew him, youd know that he wouldnt call the cops if the house was on fire. Mom was out with Pip so she wasnt here to buffer. I got really upset, shaking and nearly hysterical. I effing hate him (I want to love him, and him me. I could use a father, but he makes that nearly impossible). I started to cramp and feel sick so I layed in bed with Shane for a while, trying to relax. A few hours later I used the bathroom and saw there was fresh blood. Not the old blood Id been spotting. And the drs said if that happened, GO TO THE EMERGENCY ROOM.

So thats what we did. After ages and years and a lifetime waiting, I got an IV *cries* and an ultrasound. I was dehydrated and I may have a UTI, but the ultrasound didnt show anything too bad. Im still bleeding from that clot, but the baby is great. So far. He/she was flipping around and moving like crazy. It was creepy! Then on the way home a belt snapped in the car. The two houses we were stuck by were full of folks who sleep like the dead. It was 2am and we have no cell so Shane hiked up the road to see if he could find a phone or someone who was awake. He eventually found a house with lots of dogs and they barked and woke up the house. They were nice and let him use the phone. He called our neighbors and they came right out and got us. We couldnt call home because Bruce does have any of his cars legal and even if he did, he couldnt hear the phone ringing if it was sitting on his head. Thank goodness we have one set of neighbors who are there if we get in a bind!!

Now Im on even more *pelvis rest*, which is pretty much the same thing as bed rest because doing pretty much anything uses your pelvic muscles. So no more wrangling the sheep, no more trimming Loki's feet, no more gardening, no nothing. I cant even go for walks. Im soooo bored and frustrated. And all this sitting around has helped aggrivate my sciatic nerve so I hurt almost constantly. And I get these awful stabbing pains in my butt/thigh when I move. Feels almost like the muscle is tearing. It hurts!

But Im getting loads of knitting/crocheting done. Ive finally started a pair of Horcrux socks. But in the fingering weight version. You can get the pattern by joining the Six Sox Knitalong. Im using some fingering weight superwash yarn I bought recently. I dyed it blue and lime. It was supposed to me chartreuse, not lime, but I went a little crazy with the dye amount. Its very pretty though! And much more *witchy* IMHO. Ive only got about 1 1/2 inches done but its striping awesome. Ive lost my knitting calluses :o( and after knitting that much, my poor ring finger on my left hand swelled up where the needle was rubbing on it. That happened before with the first pair of socks I ever made. I have to work through the pain and a nice, tough callus will grow. Heehee!

OK, well, Im getting hungry again. Dang tiny bean eats alot! Oh, I forgot to add that Im due on January 25th. The day before my Dads birthday! We even know the day I got pregnant, Yay for Cinco de Mayo! LOL!

Sheep are Naked!

2007-05-23T07:03:00.000-04:00

Im very very very happy to say that my sheep have been shorn! They were done on Mothers Day by a nice fellow whos father has sheep down the road (he also has sheep there, but lives somewhere else now). I was a nervous wreck, but Joe was wicked cool with my babies. He could tell right off that I love them to bits and was afraid they would be hurt or scared or something. But he was patient and kind with them and now theyre naked!!

They did some wiggling and I told Joe that I didnt care one bit what they looked like when he was done. I cared more that they were ok. Boy are they all bumpy! Its cute :) Im getting much closer to haltering Nasvitch, so Im thinking that I might get my scissors out and do some trimming. Lymric, now, hes not as lumpy as his brother and hes more timid, so I might leave him the way he is. We shall see!

So now I have two huuuge fleeces to process. I havent even skirted them yet. I dont have a drum carder so Im a little disscouraged. Im terrible with hand cards and they take ages anyway so even if I get the fleeces all skirted, picked, and washed, I still cant spin them. So Im just sort of looking at them for now. But they will get done eventually!

Ive been knitting a bit but dont have any photos yet of what Im doing. But, finally, I have learned to crochet granny squares! Yay me! Ive been making them for a friend and also for a little sweater for my moms chihuahua. Plus Im thinking I would like a big blanket for our bed. Something washable... though I cant see me knitting or crocheting something that huge. So Im sort of fooling myself with granny squares. Theyre quick and sooner or later they will add up to a very colorful, nifty blanket!

No Pictures!

2007-04-25T02:15:00.000-04:00

GAH!! My computer has broken. We believe the video card is the problem, but we cant buy a new one for another week or so. Im going mad! I cant do anything on my Mothers computer. This poor thing is old, slow and has none of my things on it *weeps uncontrolably* I may be able to get my camera to upload to this pc, but Im not sure. The cd drive wont read cd's and when we tried to install a new drive, the computer nearly fainted. If I can figure a way to upload with out a disk, yay! But if not... it shall be a little while before I can show you all my new loverlies :(

I bought my first bit of angora fiber and OMG its the softest thing Ive ever felt in my life. Its so soft I almost cant feel it! Its a beautiful pale pink. I wish I could afford enough to spin miles of it. (I can imagine myself in a sweater made from it...with certain movie star fondling it...heehee!)

Ive also been working on my red sweater. It began more than a year ago. Im very glad I got it out again to finish it, though its right on time for the spring. Wont get much wear out of it till fall. Its snuggly and though the arms are a bit too long its coming along fairly nice.

Also, I think I may knit myself a new pair of socks. Ive had this red yarn sitting in a drawer for ages waiting for the right patterns. I joined the yahho group Six Sock Knit Along and Aprils pattern isright up my alley. You see, Im a huuuuge Harry Potter fan and this sock is named the Horcrux Sock and had beautiful little lightning bolts on the sides. How could I NOT knit them??

Well, its almost 2:30am. I need to try and sleep. I think. My sweater is calling me...He wants his hood finished! He wants me to wear him and feel all cozy :) Yesss...knitting a bit sounds good....

EEEP!!! The cats outside just made the creepiest noise EVER!! Im outa here!!

Hibernation and New Yarn

2007-04-09T12:03:00.000-04:00

Finally, a new post! I havent felt much like writing lately. Ive been hibernating. Its too dang cold and bummy around here. The weather was nice and spring like for about an hour and then went right back to winter. Im soooo tired of grey and cold! Loki is about sick of wearing her blanket, too. And my poor chickens have been locked up for months. I hate having them in their coops so much. But with this cold, I dont dare let them out.

BUT, with my hibernating, Ive been getting quite a bit of fiber stuff done. Loads of spinning and a bit of knitting and crocheting. Puppi's sweater is all done. Yay!! Man, I thought it would never end. I tried to get a good pic of him in it but hes a wiggle worm. This was the best I could do without help!I also finally finished a pair of socks that I started over a year ago. theyve been sitting mostly done in a bag waiting for me to get int he sock mood. They came out pretty nice, though theyre knit with Magic Stripe which I find rather itchy. They fit well and are warm :)In my last post I mentioned this chocolate roving I bought from Blackcat Handspun. I sooo wish I had more. Look at how loverly it is!I also bought some raspberryish roving from her. Its an incredible mix of Coopworth and Chow Chow. While spinning it it reminded me of raspberry icecream and a place in Maine where we used to go when I was a child. So, I named this yarn Shaw's Ridge Raspberry.Another purchace I made was this beautiful silk roving from Copperpot on Etsy. Shes soo nice! And this roving spun up to the most beautiful yarn. I knit the ounce in to little wristlettes. I was going to knit a headband but decided that the colors were so pretty that I wanted them to be somewhere I could see!The last stuff Ive spun up is this two ounces of tussah silk. My cousin, Mariah, wants a skinny scarf and since shes allergic to wool (or at least finds it all quite it itchy) Im going to make it out of silk. I plan on dying it blue with Berry Blue Kool Aid. Loverly color! Though I must say, I love the natural color, too. Its so soft and buttery.

Chocolate Yarn and Desert Batts

2007-03-10T14:59:00.001-05:00

I havent posted in a while. Mostly because I just havent felt like blabbing or even being ont he computer. Its been incredibly cold outside, here in NY and that means its pretty cold inside as well. I dont fancy numb fingers for typing so Ive been huddling in our combo bedroom/livingroom with the beasties trying to keep warm. But today was pretty nice out. Bit of a cool breeze, but warm enough to remove Lokis two blankets and open up her yard a bit. Ive been keeping her shut up in her stall because the dang wind and sub zero temps are awful! I cant let her have her full pasture untill the snow melts. The electric wire is lost in the snow. I dont want her wandering in to it and hurting herself.

Anyway, my most recent fiber stuffs have just been some crochet cat toys. Last fall I promised a friend of mine that I would make him some for his kitties, but Im a lazy poop and never got around to it. So during my *hibernation* Ive been pushing myself to get some done. Ive made some odd shapes, a few mice and am getting a nice collection. When I showed them to my Ma she fell in love with the mice. She has a beautiful little chihuahua, Rose, and poor Rose is so small that most toys are just too big for her to pick up. Ma wanted a mouse for her. But before I could give it to her, she found one of the cat nip mice. Wow was she happy! So Ive made her a few more toys, little balls, a square stuffy and a squiggly ball. Shes completely too adorable with them all. Theyre her babies. She hides them in her tent and wont let anyone touch them! I will try to get some pictures of her with them.

I also bought some fiber from a wonderful lady I found on Etsy. Her shop is called Blackcat Handspun. The first two batts I bought were so gorgeous, I went and bought a third. I got 7 oz of one called Desert Morning. Its made from Coopworth and Chow fur. Its wonderful! I havent spun it yet (Ive got a pound of fiber from The Sheep Shed Studio on my wheel at the moment), but I know its going to be beautiful!! The other batt I got is called Mocha Chocolata Yaya. 4 oz of a mix of corriedale, merino, mohair and silk. Its some of the most beautiful colors Ive ever spun. Lovely texture, too. I want more! It spun up in to two skeins, finishing up to be about 80 yards of two ply. I wish I had enough for a sweater!
A while back I bought some silk and used Berry Blue Kool Aid to dye it. The dye didnt make it in to the center of the roving so there was a bit of white left. I was a little annoyed at first but once I got it fluffled a little, I figured it was ok. I had wanted a solid blue, but this didnt look bad.But when I spun it....it just got prettier and prettier!! I'm in love with this blue color. I hope they never stop making Berry Blue!!!Now, Ive got to get off this frigging computer. Our video cards fan rattles and its driving me crazy!!!

Music, Masks and Snow

2007-02-15T18:17:00.000-05:00

Ive been steadily working away at Puppi's crocheted sweater. It seems like its never ending! Ive got like 12 more inches to go...*cries* Will definitely post pics when I'm done!!!

I'm also working on a heat pad for myself. Found this pattern on the net for one and thought about making that, but decided to just make up my own. So I rummaged through my yarns to find one I liked. Its hard to use the yarns I like. It was all I could do to not use one of the yarns I don't really care for. But I finally convinced myself that this will be something I will use at least once a month (you ladies know what for) and I want it to be something I like looking at!! So I chose the red sari silk and wool yarn I bought last year. I also decided to crochet it since I'm starting to like crocheting more than I used to. Its coming along nicely!

I also decided to make one out of a piece I knitted a while back. Its some yarn that was like my second ever spun on my wheel. Its very very uneven and lumpy and I love it. Its not much and I was thinking it would make a nice neck warmer. But I never got around to finishing it. I looked at it and realized it would be just the right size for a heat pad if I folded it in half. So I looked for some nice contrasting yarn to sew up the sides. I chose the very first yarn Ive ever spun. It a pretty teal color and I spun it on a drop spindle. The one and only time Ive spun on one, lol. I crocheted all around the edges of the knitted piece and then sewed up the sides. I had first put split peas in it. It worked well for heat but spelled icky. So I got some rice and filled up some pantyhose feet and popped em inside and sewed up the end. Its soft and pretty and works great!

These past few weeks have been terribly cold. I think I got a bit of frostbite on my face! My nose is all peeling like I have a sunburn. I wrap a scarf around my face while I'm out, but it slips and gets wet and everything so I got to thinking...I need a ski mask! So I searched all over the net and couldn't find anything I liked. BUT I did find these horribly freaky ones. They are absolutely nightmarish to look at but the basic pattern is great. I searched more on the net for the actual patterns for them, but couldn't find em anywhere. Sooo I went on eBay and found the magazine they're in, bought em and am now waiting patiently for them to arrive. I don't think I will be knitting in the creepiness that the patterns call for, but who knows.. Maybe Ill knit something even worse!! HEEEHEE!!!

Last week on Carson Daley there was this guitar player, Andy McKee. I don't normally watch Carson (hes a moron and completely bugs the crap outa me. hes also a terrible interviewer, imho) but Carson said he found this guy on youtube (gotta love youtube!) so I decided to stick around. OMG I'm SOOOO glad I did! This guy is incredible. He played this song called Drifting (which you can see HERE ). Its become my new favoritestest bestest mostest greatest song ever!!! The song is so beautiful. Even my BF said that it was hard to believe that it was all done with a guitar, its too sweet sounding to be a guitar. We agreed that it sounds like something from a video game. Maybe a small country town or an area just outside of town (those of you who play any of the FF games or the like types will know what I mean!). I liked it so much I even bought his cd! I cant wait to get it.

We got a nice Valentines Day snow storm. Though we weren't able to be home the whole day to enjoy it. My cat Seamose has a urinary tract infection. He had to be at the vets at 9:45 am. We left the house at 9 and it took a full 40 minutes to get there! Normally its only like 15. Yeck! It was snowing so hard that while waiting in the nice warm office, looking out at the snow, we couldn't even see the other side of the street! Good news though, Seamose will be ok. I almost lost one of my cats, Levi, like 8 years ago to a blocked urinary tract. He had to have emergency surgery. So I was especially nervous about my S'mo! But he will be ok. Hes on meds and has to eat canned food until he is better (oh he lurves canned food!!).

The snow is really pretty. But yesterday when we got home Shane and I went right out to check on the animals. Wind was blowin like crazy and the snow was piling up. Poor Loki was shivering all over. So I asked Shane to help me put up a tarp wall. OMG, it was sooo friggin cold. I think I got a little frost bite on my face! Shane is awesome. He moved fence panels around and did all the climbing to tie up the tarp to the rafters. Sometimes I think hes too good to be true. At first Loki thought the tarp was freaking scary! She even ran through a hole in the fence, out in to the yard to get away from it! But once I got her in her stall again, she decided it was nice in there, heehee. In the night it was blown down but I left it for the day. The sun was shining in and the breeze wasn't coming in too bad. But this evening, I climbed up and tied it all up again. The tarp was flapping all over and even flappin on to Loki, but she was completely unconcerned. Shes such a good lady!

The sheep are doing well. Hiding in their house, though! And not venturing out too far. The snow is past their bellies. Poor things! I think we might move them back in to the barn until this cold snap is over. My chickens are all hanging in there. Though I wish I could bring them inside!! Harry is going to lose some of his comb. I had them shut in their house but theres teeny cracks everywhere and with this wind, its still cold in there. Ive moved them in to the sheeps old stall in the barn. Its a bit large for them, but its MUCH less windy. Im also getting them a heat bulb today.

New Knitting and Ancient Tiles

2007-02-09T19:27:00.000-05:00

Ive been working on a few things! Its been incredibly cold here so Im stuck in the house (cept for my ultra fast runs out to do feed!). Things get boring in here so Ive been fooling with my yarn and fiber alot.

Im knitting Shane (my bf) a pair of mittens, the type with the flip top fingers. This is my first like them. Ive knitted one pair of regular mittens and a few pairs of fingerless mittens, but never these. Theyre coming out well, though! Im using the German wool I spun. Its scary at first, using something Ive spun, keep worrying about screwing it all up. But Shane likes em and Im enjoying the job. Here they are -
Im also crocheting a sweater for my American Eskimo Dog, Puppis. I recently knit a brown and red striped one for my old man, Mike, and hes just so dang cute in it, I just had to make something for Puppi, too. Its my first crocheted garment. Ive made toys before, but never anything like this. Its coming out great, if I do say so myself...
Im also coming out of a funk that Ive been in for like ages. I get very depressed and then I come out of it for a while, then go back in. Its a cycle Ive been going through for as long as I can remember. Its annoying and tiring, but I dont beat myself up about it anymore. I just go with it now. Ive realized that this is how I am and thats ok. Anyway, I havent been cleaning...At all. I mean, Im certainly no June Cleaver, but I do like to keep things at least a little tidy. But when I get in these holes, I just dont give a crap about any of that. I have many pets in here (1o cats, 2 dogs, 3 chickens, a bunny, a cockateil and a turtle) and though they still get fed, watered and have their cages cleaned, well, other than that, I dont do anything. It gets overwhelming. But...with this cold weather and my inability to open up the windows (Im a freak for fresh air) Im starting to clean again.

I started in the hall. Ok, you see, my bf and I share 3 rooms here. Ones his (also for a little storage. No animals go in there), one is our bedroom and the other is for the computer and chicken cages. The three rooms are connected by a small hallway. I chose that because it was a least daunting. Now, we have a rooster living in here. Magnus, hes a great pet, but hes certainly not the most tidy. He lurves dry dog food and always ALWAYS spills the dogs dish. Youve seen chickens scratching around for food, right? Well he does that, but with the dogs food. It gets everywhere and we end up walking on it. Crunch crunch crunch! It collects in the corners and along the edges of things. Also, my bunny eats hay, so that gets everywhere no matter what I do. And my two dogs are unaltered males who sometimes mark. And I have male cats who are the same, so, well, all these things are on the floor and usually its just stuff I can sweep up.

But this time around one area of the floor it all mixed together. It was incredible. Ive read about other cultures who use mud/manure/hair/straw to build houses and things. I guess I never really thought about what those things were like. But I have a new found respect for those people! Its absolutely ingenious. The stuff that was on my floor was SO incredibly hard, it came up in tiles, large, flat pieces. It was so strong that I couldnt break it with my fingers and it took every ounce of strength I had to get it off the floor! Now some of you folks are surely thinking Im out of my noggin. But I dont care, I was fascinated. I even took pictures! lol!

This is what it looks like from the top -
This is the bottom of one piece. Its hard to tell, but its very smooth. Glossy, smooth even!
Is this piece you can see how it took an imprint of the floor. The X is where the floor tiles meet!This is a pic of one area that was on bare wood. It made an almost perfect cast of the grain!! I may be a total weirdo, but I had fun cleaning. I usually detest it. But it was like an archaeological dig or something, lol! I also found a missing piece of my spinning wheel, yay!!

Yarn Swap, Alpaca and Mittens

2007-01-23T03:16:00.000-05:00

Well! I got a very nice surprize in the mail today. (Two actually, but one was a pound of roving that I knew was coming, so that wasnt completely a surprize.) You see, a while back I signed on to be part of a yarn swap Basically, person A spins a (3.5 oz) skein of yarn for person B, person B spins one for person C, etc. We get to see who were making the yarn for, but have no idea whos making one for us. Im very much a pessemist sometimes and thought that surely I would be paired up with the one person who wouldnt spin a skein of yarn. But (*YIPPIE*) I got a person who not only spun a skein, its the most wonderful, funky, and fabulous skein of yarn Ive ever held in my hands!!! I ADORE IT!!! Looky---->

*dances* I lurve it!! Though I have no idea when Ill be able to convince myself that I can knit with it and not totally ruin it. Im just going to stare at it for a while.

Last year I bought myself some alpaca fiber to spin. Ive finally finished it! The first skein came out nice (it spun up wicked easy), but this second one, I even impressed myself a little, heehee! Its the most even Ive ever spun. Also pretty thin for me. Its a two ply worsted (alsmot a sport weight). Its soft and a really wonderful warm brown color.
I ve also been working on the fingerless mittens for Shane. Theyre coming along nicely. I tried to take some pics tonight, but they came out terrible. Its night and I had to use the flash. Ill try again in the daylight. All I have left to do are the flaps!

Over a year ago I bought the book Stitch'n'Bitch. Theres a gorgeous pair of fingerless mittens in there. It calls for two balls of Noro something or other. So we headed out to the LYS and I bought the colors I liked. Well, I get home and am knitting away and soon realize that one ball is a continuous piece of yarn but the other is three tied together. The colors dont match up and I end up with one perfectly colored mitten, green to purple to yellow to orange. The other one I didnt even bother knitting because the colors woudlnt match up, it would drive me crazy! I threw the lot in a drawer and tried to forget about them. But while knitting Shanes mittens, I was almost obsessively thinking of my failed Noro mittens. So I got the one out and re-examined the yarn to see if I could piece it together to at least sort of match the finished one. No go! No amount of splicing would make it come close to being a mate. Ive decided that I must go bat to the LYS and scour their Noro yarn for one ball that will pair up with my finished thing.

I...must...finish...them...

Long Time No Knit

2007-01-12T17:18:00.000-05:00

Gads, its been ages since I knit anything real. Ive knit a few little things, like a couple headbands, but thats it. A month ago I knit a hat, sort of thinking I would give it to my Dad. But it ended up way small. I followed the pattern to a T but its even too small for me! Still, its a nice hat.

I decided I needed some more inspiration. So, I asked in Spindlers if anyone knew of a good Knit Along. Well, they sure did! One in particular took my fancy - Red Sweater KAL - I have this red sweater that I started well over a year ago. It was to be my first sweater, ever. And after all this time, it will still be my first sweater! Its a very very simple pattern and also an incredibly BOOORING one. I think that with some people to chat with, whine to and show off my progress to, I might just be able to grind my way through it!

I miss knitting. Ive spun all this gorgeous yarn (if I do say so myself!) but Im afraid to knit with it. What if I knit something horrid? What if I dont have enough? What if while in the middle of knitting, I spill coffe all over it and stain the yarn that I spent so much time spinning? Gah! Ive lost my nerve!

Some Knitted Hats 'n' Things

2006-10-04T14:50:00.000-04:00

Some of my winter thingies!!

First up is a hat I knitted last fall. I havent really worn it much, though I LOVE it. It needs to be stretched a bit as its snug on my head. I HATE having anything squeeze me head, so I dont wear it much. But one of these days I will carve myself a wooden head for stretching/blocking hats!

For this hat I used this pattern - http://www.fibertrends.com/viewer/patterns/AC59.html and some gorgeous Lopi yarn - http://www.camillavalleyfarm.com/knit/lopi.htm This yarn wouldnt be great against the skin as its rather rough, but the chunkiness and colors and everything makes me LOVE this yarn! Though it was the first time I've tried intarsia and the first time Ive ever knit in the round using a circular needle the pattern was very clear and it wasnt very hard to do! I recomend this pattern to anyone with a little patience. At first it seems very hard but with a little effort, you *get it* and its very easy. But boy, my fingers hurt!! Rough yarn and tight stitches equals raw fingertips!!

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This next one I used the same pattern but added 20 stitches (one more repeat of the intarsia pattern) and used different yarn. This one is much more comfortable to wear, bigger and softer. The grey is Cascade Ecological wool in 8087 and the red is some Highland wool Sari silk yarn I found on Ebay. Both are awesome to work with. Quite soft and it doesnt dry out your skin like some yarns do.
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I made these fingerless mittens to go with my hat. Same wools but the pattern is based on this one - http://cache.lionbrand.com/patterns/kwec-2NeedleMittens.html?noImages= But I changed it (obviously). Its knit on two straight needles and says to make the palm and back the same width, but doing this you end up with the side seam coming around to the back of the hand. It looks crappy. So I made the palm side with less stitches and the back with more. I used the intarsia design from the top of the hat on the back of the hand and added ribbing to the thumb, fingers and wrist. Its really pretty easy. Theyre very comfortable to wear and I like the color combination alot.
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This is my most recently knitted hat. Its made from Banana silk! I didnt even know what Banana silk was until a few weeks ago. Im in loooove with this stuff. I bought the orange from Ebay and the green from here - http://www.recycledsilk.com/banana.html (vine). This stuff has gorgeous shine and wonderful weight. It hangs so well! I wish I could afford enough for a sweater or something.
Now I just have to finish my Mothers hat and mittens!! Then get started on all the xmass prezzies.... I have so much to do!!

More Yummies!!

2006-09-27T05:47:00.000-04:00

First up is some gorgeous alpaca roving. This stuff is SO soft and light. I cant wait to try spinning it! There is a bit of VM as you can see in the pic, but nothing I cant take care of. Theres a full 10 ounces here, 30 yards! And I got it for a mere $18 :)
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This next is some shiney banana silk yarn from http://www.recycledsilk.com Its color is Vine and I bought it to go with the banana silk I bought off ebay (see previous post). Ive knit a hat with them and its just so pretty! Ill try to get a pic of me in it today.
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This is a full fleece I got off ebay. Its Jacob and just full of lanolin and Ive discovered that I adore the scent of sheep! It looks a little yellowed and dingy here but I took a handfull and washed it and after a bit o cleanin it sparkles like new snow. Its really beautiful!

That fleece came from the ewe below. They sent her picture with it. Her name is Valentine :o)------------------------------------------------------------------------

This is some Cotswold wool. I guess people use this alot for doll making. For bears and wigs and things. Its quite pretty though this bunch seems to have been washed to death. It feels dry and is a little dusty. But I think I can come up with SOMETHING to do with it!

Some Yummy Yarns...

2006-09-27T03:20:00.000-04:00

These are some yarns that I bought off ebay recently and well, Im in love with them!

This top one is recycled sari silk and wonderfully eyelashy. And the warm tones make me feel all cozy! I bought 2 skeins and it was just enough to knit up a skinny scarf for myself. Its not thick yarn, but its heavy and has a wonderful weight to it. Though one skein was in 5 different peices tied together, it was fuzzy enough for me to hide all the ends well. Ive decided that these will be my xmass presents this year!

The color of this one was labled as Kathmandu Recycled Sari Silk Yarn in the color 'sunshine'. The two skeins differed a bit, one was very eyelashy and the other was more smooth. But I knit them together, 2 rows of one, 2 rows of the other, and they blended wonderfully. The seller was Aubelsbeth's Little Merchant Shop and they shipped very fast and packaged all the yarn I got in cute little celophane bags and wrapped in yellow tissue paper that had bees printed on it. Oopening the box was like xmas!
This one (also from Aubelsbeth's Little Merchant Shop) was labled as Kathmandu Banana Silk Yarn in 'mango'. But looking at the photo in the listing, I could have sworn it looked familiar. So, being the weirdo I am, I spent the next hour searching on the net for it. I found it here - http://www.recycledsilk.com/sarisolids.html The yarn in the photo in the ebay listing is actually recycled sari silk, not banana silk. BUT, the actual yarn I got IS banana silk and I looooved it. So they still got posative feedback from me. I liked this yarn so much that I bought two more skeins!

Vintage 1966 Knit Barbie Fashion

2006-01-17T23:22:00.000-05:00

My mother let me borrow these McCalls patterns from their Spring-Summer 1966 magazine. Took me ages to scan, each page needed 4 different scans and then I had to stitch them together in photoshop! I have more patterns I will post soon. I just dont have the energy at the moment.

But I am knitting! I'm almost done with the slacks from this pattern. Theyre white and looking good so far. I dont have size 2 needles though, so I'm knitting them on my 3's. When I'm done I'll post a good photo of them. Also, I'm working on a coat from here - http://barbiebasics.tripod.com/knit50.html I'll post that, too, when I'm done!

Slack suit -

Bathing suit -

Vintage 1966 Knit Barbie Fashion Patterns

2006-01-18T00:41:00.000-05:00

Gads, those scans of the patterns are small! I have them scanned large but I cant get them to show up here as anything but tiny and unreadable. Ok, so, maybe later I'll figure out how to change that but for now I'm posting them in my Deviantart scraps.

Slacks Suit - http://www.deviantart.com/view/27842224/

Bathing Suit - http://www.deviantart.com/view/27842315/

:o)

First Post!

2006-01-15T20:27:00.000-05:00

Ok, well, Ive decided to make a new blog. I havent kept up any of the others and I was thinking that maybe because I just need some new scenery.

But I cant post anything long right now. My boyfriend, Shane, wants the computer to play EQ2, BAH!!

Oh well, I can do more tonight.....

Jes